Yesterday a stab was felt in my festering boil.

A week I sent Gio Clairval a link to the introduction of a story I have been working on. Yesterday afternoon I saw a Facebook message from her and knew my time was up. As I read her short message, I felt certain of there being a guillotine in the attachment. Rather than undergoing more angst, I chose to download the docx and leave it alone till today.

So many of the others who had accepted the challenge were, often, honestly too polite. Their critiques were kept at a distance from my grade schooler quality of writing style. A few, my daughter in particular, were clear and apologetic. Jordan’s apologies melded well with her nonetheless hacking the hell out of this introduction. She, though, did not push too far. Two psychologists and a small assortment of friends have all spoken of their assigned segments positively but never because it was well written. Like her, all have told me, “`Your work needs lots of work.”

One of those psychologists after reading the introduction wrote back, “You come with up with some weird s**t on occasion – and this is one of them.” His having served in Vietnam gave those words a special quality. The two of us, across the years, exchanged an assortment of humor all the way over into heavy psych conversations. Our both having dealt with a board spectrum of those disorders some people, unfortunately, live within does tone how we look at and engage in reality.

Try to not look at what you are reading now and wonder how that “grade schooler quality” fits in. My efforts to write in a, closer to, academic style is a drastic distance from trying to write a story.  I am poorly versed in properly structuring sentences. A short conversation with most of my college and graduate school professors would support Gio’s point. One of my graduate professor’s gave back a paper with an “A” on it while simultaneously telling me he wasn’t certain what I was trying to say. That “A” had been scratched onto the paper because of the idea and not the literary effort.

Gio’s response laid before me a conundrum demanding attention. My being able to, comfortably, play in the disturbing psychology of perverse behaviors and thoughts has laid a marvelous foundation and spread out a superstructure that will hold a readers attention. Nonetheless, fleshing those few parts out requires of me what I don’t have. Now I must embark on a quest to discover what I must do or who to include in finishing out my story.

 

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